Don't look back in anger....

Whooo. It has definitely been awhile since I've published anything. I just got back from Fall Break and in all honesty, it's a total drag. 

I hate leaving Colorado. It's not only home, but it's where everything remains that has ever meant anything to me. People, my dog, mountains, fresh air, blue skies. The list goes on. It's a place where I feel comfortable, something that I have never felt here. Omaha has its perks, but nothing that will ever keep me here, let alone come back. 

My decision to come here still weighs heavily in my mind on an almost daily basis. I made that choice. I learned a lot. Sometimes more than I ever wanted to know about myself and other people who are my so-called friends. Of course, I have met some incredible people. Those I can count on one hand, but cannot confidentially say we'll keep in touch. We are all just very different people going in very different directions. Nothing is wrong with that, but I do wish I had someone close who I could go to about anything and everything. It has, whether good or bad, given me ample opportunity to experience solitude. I've wiped my own tears, bandaged my own knees and edited my own papers.

As I drove east, keeping a steady eye on the rearview mirror and slowly watching the mountains fade away, my only comfort came in knowing it was the last Fall Break and that last October that I had to leave everything behind. 

I am in no way homesick. I've spent plenty of time from a young age away from home and my family, but after four years contemplating this mess, I think it's just that I'm simply unhappy here. Getting the Creighton stamp at graduation will hopefully have been worthwhile, but if I were to go back and do it again... Well, this story would be completely different. 

No matter the argument, I have always believed it takes two to tango. I am in part at fault. This is something I know. It's safe to say that I was never ready to come to college when I did. My family was in the middle of, what I hope, are my life's biggest obstacles. My mind always drifted to Colorado, wondering what was happening, wondering what I could do with the 600 mile difference. 

My college experience has been completely different from what I could ever have expected. My classes, my relationships, everything. Now, this is my blog, so don't criticize. I'm just telling it like it is. I have worn myself out again and again trying to change my experience, my attitude and myself, but now, it is just time to move on. I won't look back in anger, but I will gladly turn the page.