El Cid

I had a strange dream last night. It was Christmas break and I returned home to Colorado to spend the holidays with my parents. Last Christmas, we gave my parents a puppy since our family dog passed away a few years before. In my dream, there were two little puppies at our house and I remember just playing with the two of them and not our real dog, El Cid, who was their gift last year.

After spending all my time with the puppies, I turned to my dad and told him I hadn't even seen Cid yet. Usually Cid is the first member of the family I greet when I go home. My dad told me that he had to keep him outside by his studio (he is an artist) because of the puppies, but that we could go see him. We walked out to his studio, my dad took the puppy I was holding and he opened the studio door.

There was Cid, but he was very old and surprisingly not extremely excited to see me. He was wearing a funny looking dog coat and had longer hair around his face. If you need to visualize this, Cid looked a bit like Scrooge. Unhappy, lonely and dilapidated. Cid (real life Cid) has short hair and is the most goofy and excited dog I have ever met.

This is another one of my short dreams, but it made me sad. I suppose I dreamt this because my own subconscious was telling me (not like I didn't already know) that I am lonely. Cid, I know is not at all lonely. I, on the other hand, spend the majority of time trying to appreciate the abundance of solitude I have, but do wish I could share my time and thoughts with someone else. I have two roommates, but feel like I live alone.

I'm not writing this in search of pity, but just as a way to understand my dream. Only two weeks until I get to see crazy Cid and my even crazier family. I cannot wait.

Good Deeds

You know, it's not very often we get to hear positive news. Usually the breaking headlines are of tragedy and loss, leaving the good acts of people unheard.

Over the Thanksgiving break, I sat down to watch a little CNN and was completely taken aback by their 2008 CNN Heroes. Basically, it was an awards ceremony honoring normal, everyday people who positively impacted the lives of others through service.

Unfortunately, I only caught the end of the show, but was still so happy to see such a major network honoring good services of others. The only story I was able to hear was one about a female runner. As I understood, her father suffered from addiction and as a result, this young lady got into running. She liked the forward movement and feeling that she was always going somewhere. After running by several homeless people in the heart of Philadelphia each morning and always looking behind at them, she decided one morning to stop at the homeless shelter.

When she stopped to talk with these people, she discovered many of them suffer from addiction, job loss and lack of motivation. She knew these people still had hope to lead fulfilling lives and through her visits, proved it to be true.

Without being asked to help these people she had never met, let alone stop to talk to them, she single handedly got them up off their feet and starting a running group with them. Every morning, she continues to run, but now she has an army of motivated runners behind her who were able to turn their lives around.

I really hope I'm able to catch the full show soon and learn about the other people who were deservingly awarded. It was a breath of fresh air to watch this and I hope others who caught this feel the same way. One woman, whom I don't want to quote from my hazy memory, but she said something along the lines of service being the rent you pay for living. Isn't that great?

Nightmare

Not all dreams are meant to come true. Or at least I hope that is true. I hope all our fairy tale, love dreams make some sort of appearance in our real lives, but the occasional nightmare can stay permanently strapped in the backseat.

Last weekend, I had one of dreams that are horribly vivid. It didn't surface in my memory until later in the day, but as soon as I remembered it, I felt uneasy.

I dreamt that my brother died. Blunt, but that's what happened. I got a phone call from his beautiful new wife (that's real life) that they had just gotten in a car accident. Evan was driving on the highway and someone broadsided the driver's front side and another car broadsided the passenger's back side. His wife lived, but Evan didn't.

This was one of those short, random dreams. All I can remember from the rest of it was that I woke up in a panicking cry. Iet really made me think, what if that actually happened? What would I do? I know what I would do: I'd completely lose it. Evan is one of my very best friends. He and my sister have gone through so much in our family. They are two of maybe four people who really understand me. They don't just listen to me, they experience my thoughts, felt my pains and celebrated in victories.

Although Evan is newly married, in medical school and living too far to see for a weekend visit, he still remains one of the most influential people in my life. I can cry to him about boys, yell about roommates, get the best advice about anything under the sun and laugh with him harder than anyone else. He wakes me from my funks and reminds me that shit gets shitty, but that's life. What does Evan tell me when my heart is breaking? He says, "Katlin, get over it. Date someone else." Harsh? Nah, well, maybe at first, but he's right. Whether I like it or not, he's always right. Note: I might regret writing this later....

He has taught me not to dwell on the unnecessary. Sometimes, no matter how hard it is, you just have to pick yourself up and move on. No one will do it for you. It's up to you how you want to live your life.

Poachers Unite

The biggest problem I've had in the last four years has been my location. This is the second Saturday at work where I've spent hours not studying, but rather watching snowboarding videos. Let me set this straight: I love the sport, but am embarrassingly bad. I didn't want anyone to think that me being from ColoRADo + watching snowboarding videos at work = a good snowboarder. 

With Thanksgiving break quickly approaching, I am becoming far more jealous of friends going home to shred than I thought I would be. As of right now, I'd undoubtably give my left boob to go snowboarding. Riding the lift up the mountain, talking with my brother and sister, then cruising back down the mountain while trying my hardest to float effortlessly atop the white powder is something I think about all the time. I miss the pristine peaks, the mellow moods and the group of people simply enjoying the outside. 

Case in point: What made me write this blog was a poaching video I watched from Burton. Poaching is where snowboarders go to ski only resorts and lay down the law. There are a few skiers only mountains around, but many are slowly making the change to accepting snowboarding. Why this rule has existed for resorts to only allow skiers, I do not know. In my opinion, it's a bunch of old yuppies set in their ways of the world revolving around their gas guzzling SUVs, corporate meetings and golf schedules. Really, it's no different from racism or sexism. I know a few people who have courageously taken their snowboards to some of these mountains, but after the ban broke of only allowing skiers. Although they were allowed to ride the mountain, they still were treated like unwelcome guests. Skiers would throw things at the boarders and these so called veterans to the mountains would even spit on the people snowboarding. They [skiers] think we [snowboarders] are a joke and they are the classy ones.... Think again. 

We should all be able to ride whatever want down the mountain. Two skis, two poles vs. one board. Who cares?

OBAMAHA

One of the biggest presidential elections has come and gone, and I am so happy to say that Barack Obama will have the seat in The Oval Office, come January. I will remember November 4, 2008 for the rest of my life. It was so emotional, exciting and inspiring. 

The day after Obama was elected, I walked into the office where I work and smiled to see a portrait of Obama as the desktop background on the computer. A few days later, the picture had changed to Obama running in the ocean (probably during his family vacation in Hawaii). As I smiled at the new background, I turned to the two boys standing in the office and asked them how they felt about the outcome of the election. Both boys, whom I love, seem quite conservative with their views. 

Assuming they voted for McCain, I braced myself for a rough answer. They both looked at me, then at each other with puzzled reactions. One at time, they told me they voted for Obama.

These were two people I never really brought up the subject of politics with, but found it so beautiful and surprising that they voted liberally. I feel like a grandma, getting so happy and teary eyed over this whole thing, but it's something I am passionate about and feel so strongly and positively about. Yes we can. 

Election

Alex

Miss you

9:04pm

Katlin

miss you, too. tomorrow our lives change....

9:05pm

Alex

I know

I am an intern for the Obama campaign in Bozeman

We knocked over 10,000 doors in our county alone

On Sunday alone

9:06pm

Katlin

that is amazing. i can only imagine how much hard, passionate work you've put into that.

jesus.

you deserve a pat on the back

9:07pm

Alex

Hugs are great too

9:08pm

Katlin

even better. i send mine your way. squeeeezeeeee. i've been wearing so many obama/proud democrat shirts, i think i might be smelling funny. hahaha.

9:09pm

Alex

That's my Katlin

9:13pm

Katlin

hannah, my sister (age 17) wore an obama shirt to church with my dad and someone actually came up to her and said it was inappropriate to wear that there and that she didn't deserve to get communion. she laughed, as did my dad, then the guy told her that he was serious, etc. my dad gave him the stink eye and said it's her right and opinion and to leave her alone. shit, she's not even old enough to vote. my dad wished he had just gone ahead and punched the asshole. obama supporters are serious.

9:13pm

Alex

It's true

This election isn't a joke

I am trying to think of something witty and funny, but I am drawing a blank

9:14pm

Katlin

not in the slightest. i actually talked to my ballot as i drove it to the post office (i even kissed it).

9:15pm

Alex

Have I told you you're amazing and wonderful lately?

Because you are.

9:15pm

Katlin

haha thank you, but not even a fourth of what you hold.

9:16pm

Alex

What do you mean hold?

9:16pm

Katlin

all the amazement. drive, determination, actual thought and care.

9:18pm

Alex

I will accept the compliment, but contest the fractional measurement

9:19pm

Katlin

and that was me being generous to myself. thank you, alex, for doing this. you are making the most positive impact on the world. thank you.

9:27pm

Alex

Of course. Well, all of us are making impact. Every person who casts a vote for Obama is....

Don't look back in anger....

Whooo. It has definitely been awhile since I've published anything. I just got back from Fall Break and in all honesty, it's a total drag. 

I hate leaving Colorado. It's not only home, but it's where everything remains that has ever meant anything to me. People, my dog, mountains, fresh air, blue skies. The list goes on. It's a place where I feel comfortable, something that I have never felt here. Omaha has its perks, but nothing that will ever keep me here, let alone come back. 

My decision to come here still weighs heavily in my mind on an almost daily basis. I made that choice. I learned a lot. Sometimes more than I ever wanted to know about myself and other people who are my so-called friends. Of course, I have met some incredible people. Those I can count on one hand, but cannot confidentially say we'll keep in touch. We are all just very different people going in very different directions. Nothing is wrong with that, but I do wish I had someone close who I could go to about anything and everything. It has, whether good or bad, given me ample opportunity to experience solitude. I've wiped my own tears, bandaged my own knees and edited my own papers.

As I drove east, keeping a steady eye on the rearview mirror and slowly watching the mountains fade away, my only comfort came in knowing it was the last Fall Break and that last October that I had to leave everything behind. 

I am in no way homesick. I've spent plenty of time from a young age away from home and my family, but after four years contemplating this mess, I think it's just that I'm simply unhappy here. Getting the Creighton stamp at graduation will hopefully have been worthwhile, but if I were to go back and do it again... Well, this story would be completely different. 

No matter the argument, I have always believed it takes two to tango. I am in part at fault. This is something I know. It's safe to say that I was never ready to come to college when I did. My family was in the middle of, what I hope, are my life's biggest obstacles. My mind always drifted to Colorado, wondering what was happening, wondering what I could do with the 600 mile difference. 

My college experience has been completely different from what I could ever have expected. My classes, my relationships, everything. Now, this is my blog, so don't criticize. I'm just telling it like it is. I have worn myself out again and again trying to change my experience, my attitude and myself, but now, it is just time to move on. I won't look back in anger, but I will gladly turn the page.